Expert tells parents to ask baby’s consent when changing diapers
An Australian “sexuality educator” has created a heated debate among online users for suggesting that parents ask a baby for permission before changing their diapers.
Deanne Carson believes that a “culture of consent” should begin right from birth, which has led to a lot of questions and some confusion online. One person even wondered if you need to get “consent from your cat to change its litter tray.”
In today’s world, parenting methods are changing really quickly, and the idea of consent is popping up in surprising places, like when changing diapers.
It might seem silly to ask a baby for permission before changing a dirty diaper, mainly because babies can’t talk yet to give an answer.
However, Deanne Carson thinks it’s not really about getting a yes or no answer. Instead, it’s about building a base for understanding consent and respectful boundaries from a very young age.
Carson, who calls herself a “sexuality educator, speaker, and author” on Twitter, insists that a culture of consent should start at birth.
She explains the idea is to emphasize respect for the child’s body and autonomy. By narrating actions – like “I’m going to change your diaper now, is that okay?” – and pausing to read body language, parents can introduce infants to the concept of personal agency.
Building trust and communication
The self-proclaimed expert believes that this practice isn’t just about waiting for a verbal “yes,” but rather about creating a two-way communication channel between the parent and the child.
“Of course, a baby isn’t going to say, ‘yes mum, that is awesome, I’d love to have my nappy changed,’” Carson mentioned in an interview with Australia’s ABC network. “But if you pause and look for body language and make eye contact, you’re showing that child that their response is important.”
Pediatricians and early childhood specialists often highlight how important it is to respond to a baby’s non-verbal signals, like coos, giggles, or movements, as part of healthy communication. Including consent in diaper changes fits with this idea by helping babies understand, even a little, what’s going on and involving them in the process.
‘Left lunacy’
Not everyone thinks this way is useful or needed, and some people say that babies are too young to get the idea of consent.
Rowan Dean, who is the editor of The Spectator Australia, called the thought of asking a baby if it’s okay to change their diaper “lefty lunacy.”
John Rosemond, a psychologist and parenting expert, says that Carson deserves the title of “the Weird and Even Weirder for the Most Bizarre Idea of All Time.”
He wrote in the Reno Gazette Journal, “Not too long ago, if someone suggested that parents should ask babies for permission to change their diapers, everyone except that person would think they were crazy. In this strange way, Carson’s idea of a ‘culture of consent’ turns into a family culture of confusion, mistrust, denial, and just plain dysfunction.”
Carson’s comments sparked a huge debate online, with many people on social media making fun of her ideas and questioning her qualifications.
One user wrote, “I’m pretty sure when a baby cries because their diaper is full, that’s consent. Actually, I’d say it’s more like a demand.”
Another person said, “An ‘expert’ wants parents to ask for permission before changing their kid’s diaper? That shows me she doesn’t know anything about kids.”
A third person replied to a clip on X, saying, “Do you need to ask your cat for permission to change its litter box? No. If it smells bad, just change it. It’s the same with a baby. If they pee or poop, just change them!!!” Another person added, “Leaving a child in a dirty diaper is considered child abuse. Does this crazy person think that’s okay? She’s more dangerous than those who don’t believe in vaccines.”
'Sexuality expert' says parents should ask for baby's consent when changing nappies.
— Sunrise (@sunriseon7) May 10, 2018
Yes, really… pic.twitter.com/iR6wUfP87i
Some people, however, defended her and mentioned that Carson had good intentions, even if the example she provided wasn’t the best.
One internet user said, “I’m really surprised by the negative feedback you received about this… babies and toddlers start to communicate well before they can actually talk. Thanks for putting up with the trolls to discuss this. Even if you’re mistaken, what harm is there in showing respect?”
Another person commented, “I believe she wants to spark a discussion about consent among kids, but she has made it seem silly by taking it too far. Babies can’t agree to anything. They’re just babies! We assume their safety and survival needs.”
Someone else wrote, “I support Deanne Carson. It’s easy to talk to your baby. It’s simple to create an environment of consent in your home.”
As the discussion goes on, people agree that being aware and communicative with infants is important, even if it’s not solely about consent.
In the end, the decision to “ask” for consent might depend on personal parenting styles and comfort levels. For some, asking for consent is just another way to build a respectful and loving bond with their babies; for others, it might be enough to simply interact, watch, and respond to their baby’s needs.
What do you think about Carson’s idea that parents should ask babies for permission regarding dirty diapers? Please share your thoughts and then spread this story so we can hear from more people!